Anger rises like heartburn in my chest.
Unpleasant. Hot. Unstoppable.
I can hear it. Like an alarm going off in my head, ringing louder and louder until it reaches red fever pitch and I can’t control my reactions and emotions anymore. I don’t even want to.
I tally up all the things I expect from you. The way I deserve to be treated. I examine my circumstances and pridefully feel sorry for myself. Look at how hard I’m working! Look at how much I am sacrificing! Acknowledge me! Bow down to me!
And my woe-is-me status serves to justify my childish outburst. I blame my innocent son and direct anger at him when nothing but my immature short-comings are to blame.
Just like the crowd blamed an innocent Son.
We condemn the guiltless one who doesn’t defend himself and set the criminal free.
And You stand and take it. This ridicule. This pain. This suffering. All these false accusations.
You were the only righteous One! You were the only justified One!
You kept silent FOR ME.
You took the blows FOR ME..
No trace of anger in Your eyes. Only love.
You took it all because I couldn’t.
Because I can’t.
I rage and feel entitled, justified.
But the only righteousness in me is You.
Lord, take over.