Friends

How do you make new friends?

I can’t believe I’m typing it into Google.

In my adult years I have never struggled to make friends.

Every season, every new place I’ve settled – God faithfully placed incredible friends in my path. Sometimes I asked for them; sometimes God just bowled me over with an unexpected beautiful connection.

I have lifelong friends scattered all over the world. Solid, deep, confiding relationships.

A cuppa. A friend. A heart to heart. That’s my territory. That’s my forum. That’s where I can be and become and share and connect and pour out compassion and loyalty and love.

But here… This place…

So many acquaintances. But hardly any I can call friends.

And it makes me question everything.

Do I need to relearn this delicate, ancient skill of friendship forging?

Am I doing something wrong? Do I not have anything to offer? Am I not (insert any given attribute) enough?

Are they doing something wrong (these elusive friends I am searching for)? Have they filled their friends quota? Can they not see me for who I am?

It baffles me. It makes me uncomfortable. I can’t figure it out. I wrestle. There’s a civil war in my head between my insecurity and my pride. The casualties: my confidence, my joy and my peace.

Some days my inner dialogue is brutal.

And then I want to slap myself for having this lapse into high school pity-party insecurity.

I’m a grown woman who knows the truth about my worth as a daughter of the Most High.

Yet knowing in my head is different from heart knowing.

I’m trapped.

But a conversation with my husband unexpectedly lifts me from the narrow-minded tug-of-war that keeps shifting the blame between me and them.

What if my natural inclination is being pushed out of the way to make room for God’s grace? What if God wants me to learn to lean on Him and not fill my hours with appointments? What if there is nothing wrong with me OR them – God simply has a different plan for this season?

Yes.

God is making room for something new – something more – something better – something eternal…

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