I can do nothing else but sit beside you in your suffering.
It feels almost unbearable. I glimpse only a smidgen of this pain that is ravaging your soul.
I hear you tell me about how you wailed and writhed in tormented anguish and cried out: God, why do You hold out on me?
I’m sitting here watching the sky darken through the curtains as a storm approaches.
I’m finding it hard to pray.
Who is this God who lifts you up to higher places with glorious visions of His beautiful robe in Spirit-filled euphoria and then just leaves you abandoned in the pit of despair?
Who is this God who rains judgement down and orders destruction and murder and then comes to Earth as a human and loves the outcasts and undesirables and dies an excruciatingly painful death?
Who is this God?
Where was He in the Holocaust? Where is He now in your torment? Where is He when babies die? Or when Christians get brutally beheaded?
Where in the world are You God in this jungle of oppression and injustice and violence?
So many questions caught in my throat.
Questions already asked by David and Job and Habakkuk. Questions echoed in the Psalms, the prophets and Lamentations.
Questions that cannot be answered by logical argument or scientific reasoning.
Questions that are no longer burning to be answered when I enter into the presence of the One whose Glory and Mercy has me worshipping on my knees in transfixed awe.
Questions that I am no longer interested in asking because all I can think about is how great You are. How beautiful and magnificent. How lovely and glorious. How splendid and great. How merciful and faithful! How loving and compassionate! How You left Your throne to serve me! To serve and suffer and die for an unworthy creature like me!
And yet I stand like Your equal and yell and shake my fist in Your face like You’ve short-changed me.
Forgive my unbelief.
Keep me in faith. Keep me standing at the foot of the cross. Keep me trusting in You. Keep me in the throne room. Keep me seeing You as You rule, judge, know, guide and LOVE the world.
You are Sovereign. You are greater. You see the whole – the entirety of all lives in one frame; not just a tiny snippet of the puzzle like me.
And when the questions come… Drive me into Your presence… Where my mourning turns to dancing and my sorrow turns to joy.